And The Winner Is...

Well We'll find out in 2 hours! I just started watching it.

But I'll give you a run-down of the whole show as it goes.

Beginning with the opening number performed by the 10 contestants previously voted off, and can I just say... IT SUCKED!! I HATED IT! The highlight of that number was when the dance break happened and when Josh fell trying to be all cool. Just. Please!

Then Phil rocked the house with former CCR frontman Jon Fogerty. LOVED IT! Thanks Phil for bringing the TALENT back to the show. Just goes to show why you were voted into the final 2. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that you're a cute WGWG (white guy with guitar) haha the past 3-4 years suggest the White Guy W/ a Guitar is the clear winner. First they sang Have You Ever Seen The Rain then into Bad Moon Rising. Right up Phil's alley. This is just a preview of what his CD should sound like. CCR mixed with Mumford & Sons.

The montage of all the horrible auditions and crazy antics  really wasn't needed. We saw it in the audition round. Thanks for wasting our time....

I take that back, this mess is hilarious! Keep. It. Going. 

Then there was the Josh Ledet & Fantasia disaster. Good Lord almighty what just happened. From her hair to the outfit to the voice. I just cannot handle this. If I were watching by myself I would be fast-forwarding. But alas... I am not so I must suffer. And then the producers got smart and cut them off & went to commercial. 

Thank you! THANK. YOU!

Dear Josh,

This is why you were eliminated. 

The End.

Thank you Jimmy for never getting J-Ho's name right. She doesn't deserve the time or energy. The she-devil. Go hide in a hole somewhere... 

Up next is the ladies of the top 12. I have not a clue what they sang, I just know the hook was sampled in a Kanye West song. Which is disappointing, but they sounded good. Then they sang I'm Every Women with Chaka Khan (who came out in a skin-tight brown something. My sister said she looked like a giant turd. I kinda agree! WHO DRESSES THESE PEOPLE???????) I liked Erika's hair better dark though. She shouldn't have messed with a good thing. I forgot about Shannon. There was a reason for that. She wasn't very good.

Can I just interject here for a second. I heard a rumor that my boo Philly Phil will be taken to the hospital right after the finale and will NOT be on the tour. Say WHAT? He better be there! I will cry forever if he's not. I'll donate both my kidneys if I have to.

Back to the show... Oh never mind. It's just dumb Rihanna. I just threw up in my mouth a little. That was an excellent lip sync job you did RiRi. Way to make a mockery of the very thing you do to make all your millions. (if you even make that much) But good job making sure you sound all out of breath like you actually did something out there. 

You get a gold star.

Steven Tyler's hysterical. 
Jessica Sanchez sang I Will Always Love You.

Guys of the top 12. Not sure this was a needed performance. So I'll skip it. 

Deandre better watch out in Detroit. I'm bringing my clippers.

Where's Neil Diamond????

That's right... Neil saves the day with Sweet Caroline.
Take notes guys.
And then they SANG THE PHONE BOOK!!!
Are you kidding me??


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz of sorry JLo's on stage and I fell asleep. Excellent choice of outfits. Your hips look massive! I'm done.


Hollie Cavanagh & Jordin Sparks sang. and that's 5 minutes I wish I could have back.
Add another 6-7 for the Robin Gibb tribute. Sad for the loss, but It wasn't a good tribute.


Jessica Sanchez & Jennifer Holiday? I guess I missed that Jennifer Hudson didn't originally sing that song. My bad. Beautiful wig she's got on though. Kudos hair people.
How Jessica is NOT dying of laughter watching J. Holiday perform I will NEVER understand. That was hilarious! Sounded awesome, but the faces were killing me!


Then some Aerosmith thing happened and I fell asleep again.
Jessica & Phil sang a duet and my heart broke a little because you can tell just by looking at him that Phil really is not feeling well. 

They waited until the last 30 seconds of the TWO HOUR SHOW to announce the winner. And it ran over... SHOCKER!


And the winner is... *drum roll please*
ME!
Kidding


PHILLIP PHILLIPS WINS!


But I really win too, because Philly Phil was my choice to win and now I get a free dinner. 
The. End.